13 Harsh Psychology Truths That Matter

This week I’ve pulled a handful of harsh psychology truths from a twitter thread by Adam Lane Smith, a retired psychotherapist turned “attachment specialist”.

These resonated with me and I hope they bring some value to you as well!

1. Most men don't know how female communication works. They provide solutions, which is what THEY would want, when a woman wants VALIDATION. When this is pointed out, most men assume it's untrue. Because they'd hate to receive only validation instead of a solution.

2. The best couples have business meetings to discuss the state of their relationship. They address problems together with a solution-focused approach and guarantee mutual fulfillment. Because a lasting marriage is more like a business than a fairytale.

3. Most people would be better off breaking their phone in half and never touching the internet again. Teen depression and suicide rates skyrocketed in 2007 when the first iPhone released. But most people will take a pill and binge Netflix instead.

4. You control exactly one half of every relationship.

5. Many people will ask your opinion. Most just want to hear what they already believe. A few want to hear the real truth, but will get angry about it. A tiny sliver will treasure the actual truth.

6. The easiest way to be miserable is to focus on what makes you happy in the short term. The best way to be happy long term is to stop worrying about your short term happiness.

7. Nobody has the right to treat you badly. You're still going to have to stop them. Bad people don't stop doing bad things until they have to.

8. It is enormously profitable to convince people their irrational fears are true, and their problems are unfixable. Businesses prefer subscription customers over single-purchasers. Why would for-profit healthcare be any different? Or for-profit societal influencers?

9. A parent has no higher calling than to raise a healthy child. Any choice that gets in the way of this duty is an abdication, no matter how gilded.

10. Love is not a feeling. Love is taking consistent action that’s truly best for someone. Especially when it’s against your self interest. The more it costs you, the greater your love. If you feel affection but never sacrifice for that person, you only like the idea of loving them.

11. You can improve a relationship by temporarily making the feelings worse. Even if that lasts for an extended period as both sides work through their issues and come to a better understanding. A relationship based on truth is how you reach TRUE good feelings.

12. Don’t work harder than the person you’re helping. That’s enabling.

13. Your brain tells you many things that are not true. This includes dictating what you should be afraid of. Fears are often misplaced associations. You can often overcome them by showing your brain it’s wrong. But your brain will fight you the whole way.