"Hey Blake, What's It Like Being A Dad?"

Sorry I’m late!

I have a backlog of over 100 ideas that I could turn into newsletters.

But, it would have felt a little bit patronizing to work through a new idea given the last few “weeks off” I’ve had. I like to pretend I’m a bastion of productivity but the last month has been a reversion to 19 year old me + some fatherly and husbandly duties.

My first thought has been how lucky or privileged I am that a reversion like this is even possible. The last 3 weeks for me have consisted of playing with a baby, some menial chores, supporting my wife’s mental health, watching far too many unproductive Youtube videos and playing many hours of video games.

People like to claim that a lot of different privileges exist. Here’s the 3 I believe in:

1. Family Privilege

2. Mental Health Privilege

3. Class (Monetary) Privilege

You’ll see these blend together in some places.

Family Anecdote: Watching the transformation in my wife’s well-being (mental health privilege) after coming to stay with her mother for a few weeks has been inspiring. It’s the power of extra hands and an additional voice to soothe the struggles or provide reassurance.

Mental Health Anecdote: I’ve talked about my low neuroticism. There has been no shortage of struggles with our little guy so far given that he went to the emergency department before he was 2 weeks old for GI issues and has a form of congenital deafness. Importantly, at no point did I feel like my mental health caused me to negatively spiral. All of the issues felt figureoutable.

As a side note on the deafness he’ll have cochlear implants (fancy hearing aids) and have developmentally normal speech/hearing by the time he starts school.

Class Anecdote: Not only have we been very blessed to have received a couple of generous monetary head starts from extended family members (more proof of family privilege). We’re also in the 95th percentile of household incomes in Canada as of the 2021 census.

One result I alluded to earlier, the confluence of all these factors and decisions, is that I’ve been able to take 12 weeks off to be a supportive dad and husband (family privilege). The amount of time’s I’ve heard, “How is anybody a single mom?” from my wife over the last few weeks is astounding.

A significant portion of fathers aren’t afforded this luxury based on their financial needs or living arrangements. Only 46% of fathers in Canada took paternity leave between 2012 and 2017, it’s probably slightly higher now.

Additionally, piggybacking off the implants point. The sound processors need upgrading every 5-7 years and cost a minimum of $5000-$10,000 per upgrade (2 ears) even after government assistance. People in a worse monetary position than us would struggle to afford that or would have to make extreme lifestyle sacrifices to afford hearing for their child.

While it is clear that these things are somewhat beyond your control given the family or life you were born into. It is important to note that all of these privileges could be earned in some capacity based on the decisions you make in your life.*

We’ve had a lot of head starts, but there is also a significant amount of good decisions that have led us to a happy life.

One of my favourite parts about self improvement is that it forces you to see the world as immutable or unchanging. It is what it is.

By contrast, that means you are mutable and can make the changes you need inside yourself to succeed in the world.

*See the newsletter on Two Step Potential Theory.