How To Buy A Lamp

Ever try decorating an empty room from scratch? Easy peasy! Grab a lamp, any lamp and BOOM plenty of light for activities. But, start with an already fully decorated room and you'll find yourself drowning in indecision, scrolling Wayfair for the perfect lamp at 2 AM, afraid to disrupt the Scandinavian Boho inspired harmony you've painstakingly created.

Now, replace "room" with "life" and "lamp" with "partner" and you’ll see exactly why today’s metaphor matters.

The Argument For Young Love

When you're younger, your life's canvas is mostly blank, awaiting brushstrokes of experience. You don’t know anything. Your opinions and desires are malleable. Choosing a partner early means you're both contributing to that picture from the start. If you already have a half painted watercolour landscape and someone comes in to put their abstract acrylics on top, you’re going to have a really weird painting.

It’s not just about compatibility, it's about shared growth. Building your "home" or “painting” together ensures you're evolving in tandem, creating a cohesive piece of art that you’re both deeply invested in.

Here's why:

• Shared Vision: Early commitments encourage mutual goal-setting, establishing a joint vision for your future.

• Adaptability: Growing together from the ground up fosters adaptability, you're used to change and compromise as natural parts of the journey.

• Deep Foundations: Shared memories, milestones and challenges strengthen your connection more deeply than matching hobbies or favourite TV shows ever could.

The Perils of Waiting for "Perfect"

I don’t regret not walking the walk in today’s newsletter. If I could have started my life with my wife earlier I certainly would have. Thankfully for me she didn’t meet me in high school 😉 

Delaying marriage until your late 20s or early 30s might seem sensible. You’re financially stable, more mature and clearer on your life goals. Yet ironically, this clarity can be a trap. You've crafted your life into a solo masterpiece, making it significantly harder for someone else to fit in without disruption.

When your life becomes overly structured and particular, finding a partner who "fits" becomes a near-impossible task. It’s the relational equivalent of needing a designer $1500 wall sconce to fit an already perfectly arranged room.

The Joy of Shared Growth

Building a life together means each partner contributes to the shape, style and feel of your "home." It's collaborative, creative and sometimes chaotic. But, that chaos is where intimacy and resilience come from. It’s the small imperfections, compromises and combined efforts that enrich your relationship.

Think about it this way: would you rather spend your life worrying about fitting someone into your carefully crafted reality or building something new and exciting together?

I’m not advocating for reckless commitments. Let this be an invitation, if you can, to build your "home" with your partner from the ground up. Letting someone in early, while you’re still decorating could be the best decision you ever make.

H/T for the metaphor - Louise Perry

Words I Wish I Wrote

(NEW SECTION) Links & Learnings

• Your problems are tiny.

• Sometimes people pretend you’re a bad person so they don’t feel guilty about the things they did to you.

• I thought I knew how messed up the American healthcare system was. I learned some entirely new stuff, and some reasons for hope: Modern Wisdom #912 - Ex-Pharma Rep: Why American Healthcare Is So Broken - Brigham Buhler

Psst… DSTLLD has a podcast now, too. I know — like the world needs another podcast, right? But here’s the thing: if you can tolerate my written rambles, you’ll probably find my in-person yammering… well, moderately tolerable. It’s basically me and a guest chatting about the same offbeat stuff you read here, except now you get to hear me stumble over big words in real time. I’m not saying it’s the greatest thing in the universe (trust me, I’ve listened to it), but if you like DSTLLD, there’s a good chance you won’t hate it. Win-win! Subscribe or follow on your favourite podcast platform:

• Youtube

• Spotify

• Apple

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