• DSTLLD
  • Posts
  • If You're in Your 20s and Don't Have a Lambo...

If You're in Your 20s and Don't Have a Lambo...

The truth behind what you actually want!

February 06, 2023

I’m sitting in a fifth floor stairwell, baked in yellow fluorescent light. The dorm stairs are covered in salt from the sidewalks. It’s Christmas break of 2011.

I just hung up the phone.

I was letting down my family and wasting several thousand dollars, that felt like a million.

It took me a month to work up the courage to make the call.

It was my mom.

I was finally ready to admit that I hated it here.

I didn’t know what I wanted, I just knew… this wasn’t it.

How did I get here? Where was Alice? And that stupid cat that gave me nightmares! I was deep in the rabbit hole.

It wasn’t until years later that I examined how I ended up in that spot.

I’m at McMaster because I applied to be with my friends…

I’m in residence because Phil thought it would be awesome…

I’m in engineering because I wanted to be an architect…

I wanted to be an architect because uncle Rob was an architect, he got to build cottages…

I spent time in those cottages as a kid because dad loved being up north on the island…

…As far back as I take that storyline, none of the desires were born inside me. They came from external influence.

I tell you that story to introduce the theory of Mimetic Desire.

Rarely do we want things around us because of objective reality. We want them because others find them valuable.

“You're the Average of the 5 People…”

Mimetic desire is as important to psychology, as gravity is to physics. It is a fundamental truth.

It will destroy your life if you let it, but find the right role models and it is extraordinarily powerful on the direction of your life.

Marketers also know this topic well. It’s the basis of most advertising.

Red Bull’s original marketing tactic was to throw empty cans in garbages around London so that people would assume others were drinking the product.

How to Harness Positive Mimetic Desire

Well firstly, don’t be this guy (the reference of today’s title). You probably don’t want a Lambo.

Step 1) Zoom out.

Step back and take time to evaluate your desires. Which ones are part of who you want to be? Which ones do you have just because?

I was convinced I wanted to live in a van. Until I found out it’s mostly Walmart parking lots.

Step 2) Find your models AND name them.

Who is your model for investing? Fitness? Family? Relationships?

If the ethos of mimetic desire is that we model our desires off of others, we should do our best to choose good models.

One step further: Who don’t you want to be like?

Being aware of our desires and actively deciding what we want out of life can help us make decisions that align with our core values.

Thank you for reading this far, I’m humbled! Could I ask you for a small favour? Sharing this newsletter with 1 person is completely free and helps me out a lot!

The Refinery

Reply

or to participate.