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You Can’t Have It All, You Were Lied To

A guide to doing ANYTHING, but not everything!

December 26, 2022

I chose to go to school at McMaster University, a decision made to be near my friends.

3 years later I chose to leave academia — much to the disappointment of my mother — in pursuit of a career in video games.

Again, 3 years after that I chose a different path. This time, a 7 month trip around the world pursuing photography.

I could have stuck to any of these paths, but I couldn’t walk down them all.

“There are no solutions. There are only trade-offs.” - Thomas Sowell

Life is full of tradeoffs, large and small. This morning I chose to hang out with my dog instead of wrapping Christmas presents. I am choosing to write this newsletter to teach others by sacrificing time for hobbies and time with my family.

The key is finding the things that matter to you. Understanding that there is small number of them. And, making choices that bring you closer to those things that matter.

For me, usually in this order:

  1. Being intentional about maintaining a thriving relationship

  2. Attempting to give my children a better life than mine (a tall task)

  3. Spending time with family & friends regularly

  4. Saying YES to adventures

  5. Staying active to improve my lifespan

  6. Maintaining 1-2 hobbies at a time (I enjoy too many things so these rotate)

Everything that doesn’t advance one of these categories is at risk of being removed from my life.

4 Big Ideas

Greg Mckeown neatly breaks down these big ideas in his NYT Bestseller, Essentialism:

  1. Only once you give yourself permission to stop trying to do it all, to stop saying yes to everything, can you make your highest contribution towards the things that really matter.

  2. Distinguishing the vital few from the trivial many, eliminating the non-essentials, and then removing any obstacles so the essential things have a clear, smooth passage.

  3. If you don’t prioritize your life, someone else will.

  4. The Paradox of Success: the more options we have, the more we feel distracted from what would otherwise be our highest levels of contribution.

“Less, but better.” 3 words to encapsulate the idea of essentialism. If you’ve paid attention over the past couple months you can find it’s a thread I’ve tried to weave through most articles.

Our undisciplined pursuit of more has driven us to a place of anxiety, stress and overwhelm.

“To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody but yourself means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight, and never stop fighting.” - E.E. Cummings

What To Do

  1. Sit down with a pen and paper.

  2. Brainstorm and identify the ~5 things that make you happiest, fill you with energy or are the most important to you.

  3. Write down what sacrifices you’re currently making to maintain these priorities.

  4. Write down what else you’re willing to give up or change to align your life with these priorities.

  5. Make a plan and commit to it. Revisit it regularly.

The Refinery

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